One thing is for sure: the blog has been idling for months. My last post was in December. I have never written so little in 12 years of blogging. I have to say that I embarked on quite a journey, that of becoming a mother. Our Lucie is already 8 months old… Time goes by so fast when the days are so full!

I take the time to come and chat here tonight while Lucie is sleeping. This first Mother’s Day gives me the opportunity to reflect on my new role as a mom, to remember what I went through. If today being a mom is a given, I remember that I thought for a long time that “it wasn’t for me”. It’s amazing how much we can change, how we can discover ourselves in a way we never imagined.

Becoming a mother, an obvious continuity

Since September, my life has clearly changed with the arrival of Lucie. My priorities have changed, the rhythm of my days too and I am discovering what it means to be a parent.

I am a mom. I still have a hard time realizing it! And it’s funny because today this role of mother is obvious whereas I was undecided on this subject for many years.

To have children or not?

As a teenager, I didn’t want to have children and I didn’t feel like being a mother until I was 30. I started to question myself and to want to when my niece was born very clearly. I even ended my relationship at the time for this reason because we were not in phase on the subject.

At the age of 32, I started all over again by putting aside this desire for a child. I spent several years enjoying life by doing what I wanted to do: traveling, investing in personal projects, starting my own business, in short it was time for me. It made me grow and become the person I wanted to be.

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Despite this busy life that I loved, I often had this shadow hanging over me, that of motherhood. I spent years questioning myself to know if I really wanted to have children and quite frankly it was difficult to live. I was always in between and I could hear my biological clock ticking. I envied my girlfriends for whom it was clear because for me it was not. And one thing is for sure, I didn’t want to have a child to be like everyone else or because society tells us to. Even today, it’s socially difficult for women to say that they don’t want to have a child, I think. It’s as if it’s not normal when motherhood is not an end in itself.

Anyway, I struggled with myself on this subject for a long time. I didn’t talk about it much (to a few rare friends) and nothing allowed me to decide. I’m talking about it here today because I felt quite alone at times with my questions so if my story can be useful to someone one day, it will have been useful to turn myself in.

<img src=”//www.w3.org/2000/svg’%20viewBox=’0%200%200%200’%3E%3C/svg%3E” alt=”Monument Valley Tower” />Tour de monument valley

Damn biological clock I

ve been railing against my biological clock for a long time. A kind of pressure that everyone reminds you of all the time. And yes, if you wait too long, you’ll be “stale”. End of story.

For me, the more the years passed and the more I told myself that it was already too late to have a baby (it’s crazy how you can put barriers on yourself). This way, there was no more question to ask: too old = no child: problem solved.

Except that in reality, I kept thinking about it and as time went by I realized that the idea of never being a mother made me sad. I felt incomplete and I didn’t find much meaning in my life anymore. That’s how I finally found my answer. It took me a long time. And I was lucky because I was able to get pregnant without difficulty. It might not have been the case because the decrease of fertility with age is a reality.

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Ready for this new adventure!

With hindsight, I tell myself that I needed this time to be ready to become a mother. Today when I see my daily life, I tell myself that I would have certainly exploded in flight if I had been a mother earlier.

Because being a mom is a full time investment. It means putting the happiness of your child(ren) before anything else. It’s a role in which you have to be loving, reassuring, patient, and caring, no matter what your emotional state or level of fatigue. And with that, we have to juggle our life as a woman, our couple, our career and the management of our daily life. It also means growing up with your child(ren), learning about yourself, being pushed to the limit sometimes. It’s not so simple to be a mom.

Motherhood is far from being a long quiet river. Between the postpartum period and the mental burden that still falls on many women, there is sometimes enough to lose yourself. That’s when I tell myself that you have to be ready to become a mother so that you don’t end up “suffering” your daily life because it’s your whole life that changes. Some women say they have lost the person they were when they became a mother. It’s true that everything changes: priorities, the rhythm of life and even the body. There is a lot of ambivalence in motherhood and it’s normal. I think it’s great that we talk about all this more, that the word is free and allows us to share our experiences. I recommend you the excellent podcast La Matrescence or the radio show Barbatruc

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on parenthood (France Inter). It allows us to understand a lot of things and sometimes to reassure ourselves on what we live. For my part, the fact of having aBecoming a mother seems to me to be a continuity, a new step to live and for nothing in the world I would like to go back to my life before.

It’s been 8 months that my Lucie occupies all my time. We are constantly together and frankly …. I love it and I don’t want to miss a minute of it! Every moment I spend with her makes me happy, it’s full of memories that I collect to engrave them in me forever. Despite the fatigue, the lack of time to work quietly or time for me, I tell myself every day that I am lucky to be able to be with her so much.

Today is Mother’s Day. The first one for me and it’s cliché to say that but my greatest gift is to be with my Lucie on this day. And as I like to tell her every day “life is a party” so I try as much as I can to give her everything I can to make her happy.

Thank you for giving me the most beautiful role in my life. That of being your mom ️

And a happy birthday to all moms, you are strong, you are warriors! Let’s be proud of ourselves even in imperfection ️